Tuesday, August 19

Jennifer Lopez: Does Anyone Still Care?

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Well, well, well. Looks like the LLR Public Enemy List just got a little longer... and a whole lot more arrogant. Jennifer Lopez, take your #2 place next to Dan Uggla. We don't like your kind around here.

And what did Miss Lopez do to earn herself a spot on the shitlist of some sports bloggers? No, it wasn't her terrible acting or even more vile singing (though we could do without those here.) It wasn't even how pissed off I am that Maid in Manhattan is being made into a tv series. What we here at the LLR do not tolerate is a blatant disregard for our fine men and women who have busted their ass to earn our respect. There's no protools in sports, sweetheart.

On Lopez' GMA performance this morning, she was overheard as saying she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer.” According to a GMA source, “She couldn’t come up with Phelps’ name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ ” Ok. Are you out of your damn mind? I know fame and fortune gets to people's heads, but the level of this atrocity is just unfathomable. We Americans have been blessed with the greatest athlete OF ALL TIME and you think you're a bigger story? You haven't had a hit in years and Michael Phelps just won an unprecedented 8 gold medals in one Olympic games. The LLR is a proud member of Team Phelps and we are having NONE of that.

Oh wait, you just gave birth and you're competing in a mini-triathlon (Malibu is a half-mile ocean swim, an 18-mile bike course, and a 4-mile run. Real triathlons are a 2.4-mile ocean swim, a 112-mile bike ride, and a 26.2-mile run)? Now that you put it that way... I still don't give a fuck. Case in point: our miracle woman, Dara Torres. Dara, pregnant in 2006, continued to train through morning sickness and was back in the pool within weeks of giving birth. At the age of 40, just 15 months after giving birth, she won gold in the 100M freestyle at the US Nationals and followed that up a week later by breaking her own American record in the 50M freestyle. She even talks about how she literally went directly from breast feeding her daughter to the blocks on the OLYMPIC trials and whipped some ass. Yeah, so no sympathy or big congratulatory parade for you, Jennifer. You can suck it.

So, in conclusion, Miss Lopez, here is an abbreviated list of things I care about more than your mini-triathlon:

1) What Michael Phelps had for breakfast
2) The NL East race
3) Whether or not Ryan Gosling is sporting facial hair
4) How I can get more cell phone minutes for a cheaper price
5) How nasty the Fried Chicken Snack on my desk may or may not be
6) The price of bananas in Guam
7) What my cleaning lady had for breakfast
8) ANYTHING MICHAEL PHELPS DOES EVER (including if he decides to star in the tv version of Maid in Manhattan)

Call me crazy, but no one on the planet, Marc Anthony included, gives a flying fuck about your triathlon. 300 years from now, during the goddamn 2309 Olympics, people will STILL be talking about Michael Phelps. Believe me, by then your time as a FlyGirl on In Living Color will be long forgotten.

-stars

1 comment:

BCrusher said...

Jennifer Lopez is a fucking joke. Any chick who's greatest talent seems to be having a FAT ASS has no right doing anything that makes her famous. The only thing that makes her tolerable is the rise of the MTV pseudo celeb, which has taken most of the hate I have saved up for shit like this.

And we probably won't be talking about Phelps in 2309. We hardly talk about Spitz and that was like, mumblemumble years ago. See?

Also, I saw Ryan Gosling at Seven Grand once. I was less than impressed. You're probably BFF with him though, Katiestars. How's Shane doing? And do you have any ER scoop for me?