Thursday, November 20

Cheating At Fantasy Football

As many of you know, this year Boogie and I joined an all-girl fantasy football league. Despite it being our first time playing, both Boogie and I have vicious competitive streaks and have been determined to kick everyone in our path's ass.

It hasn't quite gone as planned. While we both have respectable records, neither of us are the head of the pack. This is infuriating as no one in our league has a clue what's going on. The only conclusion anyone can come to is the girls who are doing the best are the girls who are cheating. And by cheating, I mean asking someone else in their life who knows better.

Fine. I tried that too. But after having help on my draft landed me with garbage Jake Delhomme as my quarterback and my father's helpful advice for a better QB being JT O'Sullivan, I am over other people's help. Everyone knows about 10 times less than I do.

So today Boogie and I concocted a plan. She has somehow acquired Matt Cassel, Aaron Rodgers AND Eli Manning. She offered to lend me Eli for the week so I could beat the tar out of this girl who has stomped all over us all season.

Our attempts at pulling this off have been fruitless. First we looked to trade. It turns out the trade deadline was November 11th so that's a no go. Then we look into the rules to see if she can drop him and I can pick him up. We learn that the waivers go through between midnight and 6 AM, so we plot for her to drop Eli at 11:58 PM and me to immediately pick him up. Unfortunately, after a closer look at the rules, we learn that he has to stay on waivers for 24 hours and Eli is too big of a name. These other girls who know less than we do would still recognize the name, Eli Manning and snatch him up.

So now I really hate fantasy football. It refuses to let me win. I can't even figure out how to cheat! I would love if any of you fantasy aficionados out there would send me a private message and walk me through cheating.

I'm done playing fair.

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